Setbacks and Successes

When I worked in the mall, I always thought mall-walkers were silly.  Now I have become one.  I had lofty plans of joining the gym, but the fact that my c-section incision started to open up and refuses to heal has left me with only one exercise option - walking.  The problem is, it is just too darn hot here to walk outside, especially with a little baby, and I am a little depressed with my meetings with the scale, so off to the mall I went.  Walking around the perimeter of the mall is a struggle.  I am surrounded by yummy smelling food that I can't eat, and beautiful clothes that I'm too fat to wear.  I try to think of it as motivation; one day I will be able to shop in those stores and buy those clothes I tell myself.  But deep down I fear that I will never get there, or that no matter what I weigh clothes will still look awful on me.  Why do I torture myself like this?

After my walk through temptation land, I let Topher play at the kids play area in the mall for a while.  He has been a little hesitant there after some bigger kid pushed him down one time.  I hope he will get his confidence back soon.  After about 5 minutes of clinging to my leg he finally went to go play, but he still ran back over to me every couple minutes.  I had a nice time watching him play with the other kids and chatting with another super nice mom.

Today I put on a pair of jeans that I bought after I had Topher because I could never fit back into my pre-pregnancy pants.  They felt huge.  They were literally falling off of me.  I decided to be brave and marched to the back of the closet where I had stashed my pre-Topher clothes.  I pulled out my former favorite pair of jeans and tried them on.  They fit!  Sort of.  They are a little snug, and give me a bit of a fat roll above the waistband.  But I can actually pull them all the way up, zip, AND button them.  Now if I can just make it through the day without any damage to my internal organs, I'll be good.